February=Forgiveness

I've been reading Geneen Roth's book "When Food is Love" and for the last few days I can only read just barely a paragraph at a time. They all seem to be bringing everything awful just right to the surface.

The good Scandinavian in me says "push it down, don't look! Here, have some lefse and let's do something else!"

But I am looking. Granted, only a sneak peek at a time, but I'm looking for little bits of time so that I can see. You know, actually see what's coming up.

And what I'm seeing is that it's time to let some of this go. I've not had a particularly awful life, not at all. Things have been pretty OK. But I am a little orchid of a person in some ways; I am outstandingly, overwhelmingly, heroically sensitive about everything. Princess and the Pea? Oh that's me. And I'm really amazingly good at holding a grudge. If there were grudge Olympics, I'd win a gold medal. And the silver and bronze, too.

So here I am sensitive, grudge holding person who uses food as a weapon. Of course I wail on myself the most. There are concentric circles of blame and grudge. A bulls eye with me in the center. Should have had more education when I was younger? Oh stupid me. Could really have done a better job managing finances for the last 15 years--yup, I am awful at managing money. Should have, could have, why don't, come ON. It just goes from there, my husband, family out further and further until there is even Jimmy Carter, come on he really should have been a better president.

This brings us to Forgiveness February. All month I am going to forgive everyone. Starting with me. Loving forgiveness. My dear husband who we all know is the most amazing man on the planet, and if you don't, well trust me, I do know it. And my dear mother who was a fantastic mother and still inspires me. Everything bad that I think has happened to me is nothing, it's over. It's done. I did the best I could and so did everyone else. And even Jimmy Carter. Him, too.

Forgiveness February. Bring it on. I'm gonna clear all the log jams so the love can just flow down like water.