Morning Glories--Open

It was a tough night. I am almost done with the book I've been reading "When Food is Love" by Geneen Roth.

And the little skin between the pain that is so well cushioned by bread and my heart was getting raw and rough. I know I said I could handle the pain, it's like labor. Release and let go and it won't hurt so much anymore. Name it. Say "this is fear" "this is sadness" "this is loneliness" "this hurts and I'll be OK".

But ow!

I wanted the sticky buns at rehearsal this morning. Oh did I want them. And peanut butter toast, aka; crack. Want, need, oh you know deserve.

So I didn't. I held on to my heart. I asked my heart "so what's up, are you hungry? for food?"

My heart kicked the dirt, hung her head and said. "No"

So I ate an apple, and two clementines. When I came home I made lots of vegetables and tofu because that's what we do when we take care of someone. We feed them food that they love, we cook it with praise for them, we choose fresh spinach and crispy peppers, we squeeze limes, we sit down and eat with the good chopsticks. I packed up the left overs, no there was not enough for a meal, but I packed them up anyway.

I held the image of an opening morning glory in my mind, and pictured it opening above my heart.

Opening. And no, it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. And yes, it is good.