It's been so long since I've seen the ocean

Well, if you count the sound, I saw it last night I guess, soaring over Elliot Bay on the West Seattle Bridge on my way to a board meeting. It's my favorite line from the Counting Crows song "Long December". Except for the line "If you think that I could be forgiven, wish you would"

Good line for Forgiveness February.

Two big things wiggled their way into my heart and up to my awareness last night. One was this Maya Angelou quote

"I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision."


and one was from a narrative in the "When Food is Love" book. It was the story of a woman who was over 400 pounds and saw Geneen Roth on Donahue (!) and knew that there must be a better way. She said something about being lost from her homeland of people who understood her language (the language of disordered eating) and she found her way back to health. Or to health for the first time in her life. Yes, she said, it was hard when you let the pain come instead of pushing it down with food, but if you could open instead of clench, it didn't hurt so much and it passed easier.

I can do this. It's like giving birth. If you can open during the contractions, not clench, not brace yourself, but open it's easier and it works better, too I think.

Peter's birth was a simply beautiful birth. I wish for every woman to give birth like this; quiet, music, strong contractions that feel like the ocean, and a deep connection with the earth. As I labored in that room of love and joy I visualized the morning glories that I'd planted along my garden fence opening to the sun.

I still have seeds from those plants.

I can open to this, too.