No, it's good. All good.
I've been wondering why I have been able to stay focused on health and healthful eating through this loss and grief. Today I mentioned my loss of Emmathedog to a handful of my friends at church. Someone asked me when it had happened, and I was so choked up, I could hardly tell them. Maybe I really do need the pity party where you split a bottle of red wine, watch "My Dog Skip" and just give in to the sobbing.
But I keep eating well, really well even. And the workouts continue. I hope it is that good Emma spirit cheering me on. Or maybe I have some weird complex that allows me to do big things when the chips are down? Like going back to school in the middle of huge marriage trauma. Or like the first time I lost a chunk of weight (not the first time it stayed off, though!) my three kids and one of the neighbor kids I was watching all had the chicken pox. And I-- OK get this, I gave away the leftover Halloween candy. In the middle of four kids with mad itchiness.
I should have a psychological evaluation.
Maybe it's that stoic Norwegian blood. Maybe it's just weird. But I am currently pretty centered about the self care and nurturing. The Geeneen Roth book "When Food is Love" is still blowing my mind. I think I had to get this old and this ready before I could have heard the messages about self care for real. And we'll see what happens, but for now it's good.
Next step, I think, is to add back in the morning meditation and yoga. I have been OK about the yoga with the real reason being that my back hurts if I don't get in at least a little yoga pretty consistently. But for a long time I did a small meditation before the yoga and I did it almost every morning. I am a kinder, calmer human if I do this. Sometimes I work my way through a book of poetry or meditations, using the poem or the reading as a place to begin the meditation. I light a candle, open a window to hear the birds and smell the fresh air. And I sit down with myself. It is good. So good.
The other thing I have to add in to this mix is the additional cardio. I was walking the path by my house on the non Y days in early December, but then we had snow and ice and rain rain rain, so much so that Pooh would have had to come and rescue me in his ship "The S.S. Pooh Bear" and the walk would have ended badly. Spring is on it's way here to the Pacific Northwest. I should get back outside. The path winds past a few huge stumps from the days when this area must have been logged, or cleared for farms and they have big rain forest looking trees growing out of them. There is moss, and ferns and lots of bunnies which probably means coyotes. I hear them calling at night. Being out under the big sky is so good for my spirit. But even on the days when I can't walk that path, I can put in 20 little minutes on the stairstepper that I have. I mean, come on! It is not that hard.
So, this week meditation added first, because my goal is mind and spirit first and body will follow. And then we'll see if more cardio can come along after that. Maybe I could even do the little Old Lady Shuffle that passes for my "running" outside. Shocking. Run. Outside?
Time for another bribe, don't you think? Maybe some cute workout pants. Mine are from 1999 when I first worked at the Y.
These are organic cotton from Gaiam.
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