Monday, April 20, 2009

Eating like no one ever loved me!

Last week was not a good week. I thought I was doing OK with food and self care, but in hind sight? Bread with butter is not actually self care. Sometimes I can talk myself into the stupidest things! It's not a big deal, and I'm doing OK, but wow, when that circle talk gets going, I can really ride along.

I don't like living without my spouse in the house, and when his leaving is preceded by big fights, caused of course because he's leaving, I really have a bad time of it. When he got home last weekend and we were de-briefing about the week I told him "I ate like no one has ever loved me". I didn't even notice that that's what I had done, but once the words were out, I realized just how true it was. But hey, I caught myself. And that really is everything. Not being perfect. But catching the imperfections, offering care, kindness and forgiveness and movin' on.

I was a little worried though. So I did actually step on the scale. Five pounds down since the last time. OK, it's not good to step on the scale, and I'll try not to, but I admit. It was a relief to get some outside affirmation that I didn't just put on a huge amount of weight. After all, I talked myself into believing that bread and butter is self care. Come on, I'm a pretty fast talker. I might have gone out and bought a larger size of jeans without telling myself. THAT might have been why they still fit.

OK, not all sane, but not all insane either. See? Good stuff.

So for this week, I really am taking care of myself. I decided that it's a clean eating week, all whole foods, no processed foods (LIKE BREAD!) and lots of good tea. I thought it was going to be a less busy week, but it turns out it's just going to be a different busy week. So, brown rice and beans and fruit and veggies and oats and tea. Good stuff, mister. Good stuff. All of it.

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