The spirit sprawled under the pile of unmatched socks

I cannot believe how much time and energy this closet renovation is taking. No lie, hours and hours and hours from both adults in the house and while the closet looks fabulous, the stuff that used to live there but got evicted is all over my bedroom.

My house has no storage.

It's a problem, but not a big one!

What blows my mind is what I put up with for five whole years in this set-up with this closet. Really, my clothes were stuffed in these little shelves behind the door of the walk in closet, or piled on top of the highest shelf where not even my super tall brother-in-law would have seen them. And it turns out that I had half the hanging space of my husband.

The thing is? Looking at it, I had no idea that I had an inadequate set-up. I had no idea that things didn't make sense given how many clothes I have in comparison to my ruthlessly weeding husband. I had no idea that there was a problem.

For me this is a big, huge, flashing, neon sign and it says: "You Do Not See Yourself As Important!"

Yep. Or maybe I'm learning to. A little bit at a time, and maybe that's the skeleton key that opens all those doors, and even some of the windows that hold the key to healthy life.

The bad news? I think we have to put my dog to sleep, and no one who has loved this dog could do anything but fall apart for a good long time if that's what we have to do. She's been my other half for ten years; old when we got her, really old now. The kindest being who ever walked the earth.

Maybe I'll go hide in that clean closet for a while.

Yet again

So, I hope none of you are trying to win the laptop in the giveaway over at "Confessions of a Pioneer Woman" because I am clearly going to win it. And someday I'll have a blog that can give away a laptop on NYE, too.

OK, maybe not.

But so far so good in the pre-New Years make-over in my head.

I had planned to whip up a fancy organization system in my closet, which turned out to be much more messed-up that I had thought. Hmmmm, wonder what else is more messed up than I thought it was. Maybe, you know, my HEAD!? Probably.

Love that metaphor. The deep storage in my closet and in my head. Messed-up. But a work in progress.

It turned out that I only have one pair of serviceable socks in an entire woman-sized basket full of socks. And I also have fifty times more skirts than I thought I did. Who knew? Now all the hole filled socks are awaiting execution and the skirts are hanging, breathlessly waiting to be worn in the new year, I am ready for the launch to a tidy and organized closet. It seems that often I stood in the stuffed closet with the lament "I have nothing to weaaaarrrrr!" Now, I have some things to wear. And I know what fits. And I know that eating those french fries is really a lose-lose situation. So, I'm making progress.

Tonight we're eating dinner and then heading to our friends' house. I really am looking forward to the new year. And I'm astonished at how fast time goes. Can it really be nine years since we all celebrated the turn to 2000? Can I really be the mother of three young men? Can it really be possible to let go of the attachment I have to food? Maybe. The teenagers are all there, it really will be 2009 very soon and I keep getting older no matter HOW many of those fancy lotions I buy. Nope nope nope. So, might as well accept all true things as, well, you know. True.

I have no resolutions. I want to be real and love the people I love and stand up for the things I love and be who I mean to be. Nothing new. Just trying to come home, though I've broken my vows a thousand times, yet again, to come home.