...and on it goes....

I actually considered writing on this blog the words "seems like the food is going pretty well" and damn it if I didn't have to just go and prove myself wrong with a tortilla and some cheese! But ha, one tortilla with some cheese can't really undo a good month. And it has been a good month. I must be a little shaky today because I was doubting whether things were moving in a slimmer direction so I got on the scale. Yes. Slowly, but yes, we're dropping weight. Being older--well and hell, being Scandinavian means that things are still distributed in ways that make me unhappy. I really think I'll need surgery to ever have a flat stomach! But I don' t really care. I am learning so much and it's so good in so manyways.

I've been reading both Writing Yourself Right Sized by Julia Cameron and Love Yourself Thin (re released as "The Love Powered Diet) by Victoria Moran. Victoria told me a few days ago (well, yes in the book, but still....) that the best way to get through the hard feelings, the BIG feelings is to sit with them, to let them happen and wash over you. Stuffing not required--stuffing YOURSELF not required. Victoria has taught me a lot over the years with her good books, so when she said that I would not die from it, that the pain would subside before it did me in well, I beleived her. At the end of this last good run of a class, a lovely RE Sunday, the kids' fabulous play I figured I'd crash and I did, but I didn't know what a crash without food would be like. It was brutal. Really brutal. But I sat with it. There were no carbs or sweets or anything to cushion those feelings. I did find myself pretty laid out by the despair, but then, it cleared. It did. I cleaned the bathroom. I read. I listened to David Wilcox, and it was OK. It did lift. Victoria was dead on right. And I kind of feel done with those particular feelings of despair. Moved on. Wow.

So, no, I'm no swimsuit model, but I'm a humbler me, a more real me. A quieter me of all strange things. Still work to be done, like those sneaky tortillas that jump you when you think you're OK, but clearly a little further down the path. Good. Good stuff.